Friday, September 02, 2011

slipping. slipping. hold on to what you will. but beware. what you will hold will not hold you. fortune cookie advice. everytime. i tell the students not to make plans and they gasp. S tells me, again, not to scare them. they are here to make plans. to realize plans made. to plan on a future of plans. future engineers of america. they forget there are no jobs no money no america. united states of walmart. a walmart for every state. engineer that. S tells me to remember what happened with the babies. not to scare the students. someone should hope. it works occasionally. until the next campaign at least. how much to hold on to and for how long is a more important question. or it is a question. i mean what are we holding on to? the right to hold on to anything, or nothing? the right to choose the mall on saturdays and relegate holding on to tuesday through thursday? the right to give up any rights? this has all been said before. but we are still not listening. S is right. this doesn't lie with the students. the man of hope, he is simply exercising his right to fail. without blame. it's not his fault that everyone else is united in not being united. some of us are buying fruit and some of us are spraying imposter perfume on our necks. aisles and aisles apart. the metaphorical aisle has multiplied exponentially. and the people are moving in every direction. S would like me to believe there can still be some sort of competition. What, like from KMart? I say. don't laugh, everyone is entitled to a comeback. I am still planning my own, going back to my football days. i just need to land the right corporate sponsor. S convinces me to introduce the students to the concept of hope. let them argue the stakes. i tell her hope is a thing of many feathers. and don't feathered creatures molt, eventually? S tells me I am again letting my own insecurities ruin my potential political endeavors. and i agree. though i did read the article three times, the one about never referring to myself as fat or stupid. not even in private. these can undermine one's self esteem thereby causing a tidal wave of negative consequences. if i could stop eating the chips, i realize, i could save the world. in the meantime i'm busy with weight challenges and intellectual journeys. S agreed we should start using more positive language. is that the same as realistic language? is hope the same then as myth, or fantasy. those are nice, positive words that make my self esteem feel just fine. hope on the other hand, makes me feel cheated

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